This article was originally published in ePregnancy in October 2005, but I no longer have the final electronic version (i.e. the edited version) so this is the final version I submitted and what I believe is the closest to the final.
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I have gained 20 pounds and I am 20 weeks pregnant. This feels very reasonable to me, and my doctor agrees. However, recently I mentioned to my mother that I had gained 20 pounds.
“20 pounds?’ She repeated back to me. “Honey, are you sure?”
I set down my piece of meat-lovers pizza and nodded. “Definitely.”
My mother reminded me that when she was pregnant with me she only gained a total of 14 pounds. And I reminded her that she’d been a hippie in California, and they’d lived on bean sprouts and free oranges from local farmers.
I figured the weight discussion was over.
I emailed pictures of my tummy to my parents since I was beginning to look slightly pregnant.
“Sticks out and everything,” I wrote proudly.
That Sunday during our weekly chat, my mom said tentatively, “We got your pictures.”
“Fun aren’t they?” I said while munching on a chocolate chip bagel with cream cheese. “I’m really pregnant eh?”
My father spoke up. “Maybe you are having twins.”
“What?” I asked. “Twins?? Why?”
My mother chimed in. “Well your tummy seems too big for only four and a half months. When I was that far along I wasn’t even showing.”
I decided not to go down the oranges and bean sprout road again but took the more rationale approach.
“Well we had an ultrasound you know, I mean there was just one baby moving around in there. Unless we have an Invisible Twin. “
My mother said, “Well sometimes they make mistakes.”
I said halfheartedly that I’d ask my doctor at the next visit. My mother thought this was a good idea and thought that she’d ask her two sisters, both nurses, their thoughts on Invisible Twins.
A week after that conversation, I got a call from my Aunt on the east coast.
“Hello!” She said brightly into the phone. “I’m just calling to see how you are feeling.”
“Just fine right now” I said. “I’m about to have tacos for dinner, with extra everything! Mmm. I think the baby really loves tacos!”
My aunt gave a thin laugh and then said. “I hear you’ve gained 20 pounds.”
“Yep.” I agreed, while licking the spoon that I’d just dipped into the sour cream. “That’s right. No hippy California citrus diet for me! This baby will be well nourished.”
“Hmmm,” my aunt replied. “You know with all three of your cousins I never gained more than 20 pounds. And I even ate three bowls of broth a day! Not like your mother who ate only bean sprouts and oranges.”
“Is that so?” I asked my Aunt while quietly putting down my spoon and tiptoeing out of the kitchen so she couldn’t hear the simmer and spatter of the baked beans and ground-beef I was cooking.
Three days later my computer screen flashed that I had a message from my other Aunt in the Midwest. I warily clicked on it.
“Hi! I hear you are having twins!”
I was surrounded.
I wrote her back and told her more likely, I had just gained 20 pounds.
“20 pounds! You know with all four of my boys I never gained more than 25 pounds and that was on a full diet of asparagus and a slice of bologna a day! Not like your mother, you know she only ate . . “
Uh-huh.
And so it goes. I have a whole half pregnancy to go. This summer my family will be gathering at our lake cabin about one month before I am due with not just my Mother and Aunts, but my Great Aunts.
I can picture it:
The Great Aunts will join my Mother and Aunts on our lake-side dock and say, “Well, what a lovely inflatable whale you have for the grandchildren!”
My Mother and Aunts will sigh. “That’s Esther floating.”
“Gracious!” they’ll gasp. “Why, when I was pregnant I only gained four pounds! And that was eating as much as a spoon of Spam and a carrot every day! She must be having triplets!”
I won’t hear this though. I’ll be out there in the water floating eating a raspberry muffin with cheese filling and when I paddle around I’ll just wave.