Party Like a Ninja

First published in the Tri Town Transcript on Apr 13, 2017

By Esther C. Baird

Regular readers may recall that our youngest daughter celebrated her 10th birthday at Christmas with a surprise ear piercing. But her actual birthday was this past month. Ten is an age at which we allow our girls to have a big, lots of friends, rented venue, party and so our daughter had been considering the options for months.

Finally, she decided she would celebrate at the Gymja Warrior course in Danvers. If you’ve ever seen “American Ninja Warrior” on TV, you know it’s a giant obstacle course gone wild. We’d visited their open gyms over the years, so the girls knew the challenges including the effort to scale the warped walls.

I always yelled encouraging things like, “Come on! Just grab it! Pull up! What’s the problem?” One of the Gymja Warrior principles painted on the wall is, “I Am Positive,” which obviously I embrace as their loving mother.

In addition to the venue, the party was co-ed. Our daughter felt that running the boys around in a giant room full of things they could crash into would be fun. Sure enough, the boys were like a hive of hornets unleashed. Meanwhile there were quite a few girls who were steely and strong and bounced up the 8-foot warped wall like it was easy peasy.

So easy, that since I am in decent shape, I knew it was time to show my girls how one rocked the warped wall. I mean I’d seen it on TV a zillion times. Another one of the Gymja Principles was, ‘I Set Goals.’ My goal was to be the mom on the top of the 11 -oot warped wall.

I ran at it and up, up . . . splat. I was a fly headed full force into the swatter. I oozed down the face of the wall.

“That’s just my first try.” I explained to my older daughter who watched me with a bemused look.

I ran again. Up, up, I grabbed the top with my fingers and . . . whoa! It was high. What if I fell? What if I re-injured my back? I let go and repeated the ooze.

A 10 year old boy about the size of my thumbnail blew past me and zipped up the wall, hopped on top and fist pumped. Huh.

I looked at my daughter who said (possibly deservedly) “See! It’s not just ‘so easy’!”

Ok, fine. She was right. My new goal was to be the mom who didn’t die. I decided to change the topic.

“Who’s ready for pizza and cake!” I called. This was the part of the party that, unlike the warped wall, I had mastered. I knew all about feeding kids. Only I hadn’t counted on the new factor: boys.
I mean with girls, when you serve food, you might get an argument about who sits where, or a lecture about how their mother uses sugar-free air bubbles to bake, or some long complicated story about an aunt who once sliced some cake at some party where something happened. It’s all drama and talking.

Boys??? Well, give them pizza and cake and it’s all. . . sport. Who can eat the most? The fastest? Then, for fun, who can chug their drink without stopping?!?

I heard, “Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!” and watched in fascination as each boy took their water bottle and poured it down their throat. I was impressed. But then one kid decided he’d chug his Tropical Fruit Gatorade instead of his water.

I’m here to tell you a little chemistry secret. Gatorade chugged on top of cake, on top of pizza, after being crazy like a Ninja, creates a . . . reaction.

All we heard was a loud scattering of chairs and then, “He spewed like a volcano!!!”

Sure enough. Chunks of cake and pizza crust, colored Gatorade-red, lay in a giant puddle around the boy. One of the goals on the Gymja wall is, “I Respect Myself and Others.”